


same sweetness

by harezora



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Autistic Tamaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 07:59:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6415435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harezora/pseuds/harezora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Many people and things had changed in Tamaki's life. However, pudding was a constant part of his diet since his childhood.<br/>Written for the prompt of 'pudding' for idolish7week's Tamaki birthday event.<br/>Spoilers for Tamaki's birthday rabbit chats in the front part.</p>
            </blockquote>





	same sweetness

**Author's Note:**

> Tamaki's birthday chats was such an emotional roller coaster from Part 3 to 5. I'm so glad I have the card after saving so much stones and tickets... And since there's confirmation about Tamaki eating pudding since he was young, it inspired me to write this about how pudding has always been part of his life.
> 
> Not sure if it's obvious, but I'm attempting to write Tamaki as autistic here as I focus more on his thought processes than having an actual plot. Not understanding people and having difficulties in social skills? Definitely. The entire pudding thing? A special interest and a form of self-stimulation/stimming. That's what I'm aiming to go for although I don't know if I wrote it obviously. Bless Bamco that Tamaki exists because he's someone I can relate to very well. A post that I wrote with more information: http://silveryogi.tumblr.com/post/138606215093
> 
> April is also autism awareness month which is also why I wrote this. I hope for more understanding and acceptance for people on the autism spectrum, like how IDOLiSH7 is so good to Tamaki.
> 
> also i can't believe I wrote 3 fics in a week. i7 and Tamaki have ruined my life.

A smooth texture that was easy to swallow and the sweet taste of caramel, the sensation of eating pudding was the best thing in the world to Tamaki.

Things had changed so much over the years, but pudding always tasted wonderful.

Tamaki had first eaten the snack when he was a child and still had a family. Pudding was an occasional treat for him and Aya when his family was doing well. His father would be gentle and his mother would be smiling. Then there would be hugs too, which he liked a lot too.

However, most of the time, his father was angry and his mother was sad. Tamaki did not like it when it happened. He did not know why. Was it something he had done? He had so much that he wanted to express, but he did not have the words to do so. The periods when his mother was happy became shorter and the periods that his mother was sad became longer.

Eventually, his father left the family. As Tamaki’s mother had to work extra hard to support two children alone, pudding treats became rarer. During Tamaki’s birthdays, instead of cake, his mother made pudding covered in ice cream and butter. Since Aya was old enough, she would also draw pictures for Tamaki.

The birthday pudding did not taste as good as birthday cake, but Tamaki did not mind. He loved his mother and Aya a lot. Their presence was all that mattered and they were the world to him. Those days were even happier than when his father was around.

Unfortunately, this was taken away from him after his mother’s death. Now that Tamaki thought back about it, his mother most likely died from overworking. Since then, Tamaki and Aya were separated. The last time they saw each other, they were both crying at their mother’s funeral.

Life in the facility was hard to adjust to for Tamaki. He got scolded all the time by adults at all the smallest things. Not eating vegetables. Leaving things around. Not understanding what was taught at school. How annoying. There's nothing wrong with that. As far as Tamaki was concerned, nobody was hurt in the process so it's all good. Unlike his despicable father who left his family and hurt them so much.

Most of all, Tamaki could not fathom why he got scolded for speaking up or staying silent. What was he supposed to do then? People were troublesome. He could not understand others, and others could not understand him. He was upset at why people were always angry at him. Why was everything he did wrong?

From then, Tamaki spent his days avoiding the adults at the facility. If they were mean to him, then he will be mean to them. As simple as that. He would help the younger kids though, since he felt like he should take care of them like how he took care of Aya last time. They were nice to him, so of course he would be nice to them.

When he managed to save up enough money, Tamaki would buy pudding and try to recall happier days with his family while tasting the sweetness. He could almost forget being No matter what, his mother and Aya will always be on his mind.

One day, Tamaki saw a new kind of pudding: King Pudding. Tamaki liked it even more than the pudding he used to it. The pudding mascot was adorable with its blank expression and the limited flavours were so cool.

Collecting King Pudding caps and exchanging prizes became something Tamaki looked forward to and enjoyed along with eating King Pudding. As he watched TV while eating pudding, Tamaki saw multiple cases of people finding their lost siblings through the power of media.

It was then he decided that he would appear on TV somehow, in order to find Aya. He saw that idols were getting popular these days and got a lot of TV appearances, so he decided on that path too. It was also convenient that Tamaki happened to be musically inclined.

When he got scouted by Takanashi Productions, Tamaki knew that more changes were going to happen in his life. Things like schedules and working with people were even more restricting than life at the facility. But Tamaki decided that he would endure it in order to find Aya.

Balancing high school, MEZZO” and IDOLiSH7 left Tamaki with almost no private time. With whatever little ‘me time’ he had, he would eat the King Pudding that he liked to eat so much. Now that Tamaki had some income, he could eat even more pudding than he did last time. One of the rare perks of working.

The familiar sweet taste and soft texture were so comforting as Tamaki thought of happier memories of his mother and Aya. It could also mask the bitter taste left from the hectic schedules of work, abysmal school grades along with the nagging of Sougo. Tamaki had no idea how to deal with Sougo. Forced into a unit who were supposed to get along with each other super well, they could not be more different. He also hated the idea that he had to deceive people to think that he got along with that boring and serious person. For the longest time, Tamaki was convinced that Sougo hated him. Or why would Sougo be so mean?

Many  arguments, tears and puddings later, Tamaki could finally feel like IDOLiSH7 has become like his family as they took such good care of him even though he had caused them so much worry. The incident of Sougo collapsing had shocked Tamaki heavily. It was almost as if Tamaki became his father, causing Sougo to collapse just like how his mother died. Eventually MEZZO" finally started to truly get along while IDOLiSH7 supported the both of them whose forte was definitely not their communicative skills. It had been a long time since other people had made him feel this happy.  

His mother would be proud if she could see him now, Tamaki thought. Little did he know that one of his fellow IDOLiSH7 members could see her watching him.

People and situations change all the time. Tamaki knew that too well. However, pudding will always taste this wonderful regardless what happened to him. As long as there was pudding, Tamaki felt like he could do anything. Maybe not everything. Finding Aya was still difficult as always.

If he got to eat pudding with Aya once again, just like they did during their childhood, pudding would taste even better.

**Author's Note:**

> The person who sees the ghost of Tamaki's mother is Riku. In Tamaki's birthday chat, Riku mentions that there were real ghosts watching Tamaki's birthday dungeon. In Part 2, he also talks about seeing ghosts in the hospital.
> 
> Just imagine Riku seeing Tsumugi and Tamaki's mother as well as Sougo's uncle. I'll leave to a future fic... maybe...


End file.
